School buses are one of the top places where childhood bullying happens. Think about it: there are fewer adults around, a captive audience of peers, and a bus driver focused on the road―unable to monitor everything and intervene as needed.
Many of us have our own childhood memories of bus bullies, but as parents the situation presents new challenges in knowing how best to handle the situation and help our children.
How to tell if your child is being bullied on the bus:
Children being picked on aren't always comfortable telling others about it or asking for help. But there is also something called "parent's intuition"—knowing when something is bothering your child. If you're not sure, try asking some of these questions.
You may not suspect something is wrong until your child starts coming up with excuses to not take the bus or starts avoiding school entirely. This is a red flag; see School Avoidance: Tips for Concerned Parents.
Bullying can also cause stress-related physical symptoms such as headaches, stomachaches, nausea, and dizziness. Realize that kids don't have conscious control over these symptoms―and they're definitely not them making them up.
Kids may worry that if they report the bullying, it will lead to more bullying (retribution). Sometimes, younger children may not even recognize bullying behavior for what it is or know what to call it. Of course, some bullies will make outright threats about what may happen if a child tells someone.
Step 1: Learn your school's bullying prevention policies.
School buses are an extended part of the school environment, so they likely are covered in your school's bullying prevention policy.
The bus driver, other adult staff, and the school have a legal and ethical responsibility to ensure children feel safe, valued, and welcome on the bus.
Step 2: Follow the proper chain of command―this usually means communicating with the bus driver directly as a first step.
Although bus drivers can't always step in when bullying happens, many are very aware of the interactions between their young passengers and can provide some helpful context. Talking with your child's bus driver in the middle of a route can be difficult, but a call to the school can help in setting up time that isn't so awkward.
Data collected from a 2010 nationwide survey by the National Education Association shows bus drivers are not only aware of bullying but also want to know how best to help.
Things to keep in mind once lines of communication are open:
Your child's age and definition of bullying.
It's fairly straightforward when another child physically threatens your child, but much murkier if another child makes a vague comment that may or may not have been intentionally directed at your child.
Words hurt―there is no doubting this. However, words can also lead to misunderstandings depending on your child's age and developmental level. It's possible a child might view minor disagreements or social immature behavior as "bullying." Have a conversation to get a clearer picture and understanding of a situation.
Changing your focus to "helping your child handle a difficult situation."
Going in with the right mindset can make a big difference. So, rather than focusing on "my child is being bullied," try saying "my child is in a difficult situation." Then, you can help your child handle it by exploring what the cause may be. One of the toughest situations for parents to work through is if the perceived bully is a staff member. A bus driver who is strict with rules may be entirely within reasonable bounds, but it may be perceived by a child as targeting him or her unfairly. Of course, some staff may also truly be bullies. Make sure you get all the details without any prejudging.
Bullying has been an ongoing problem for decades and, as a parent it’s important you educate your children on the signs and dangers of being a bully or becoming a bully. The school bus system is overcrowded, short staffed and most days unpredictable. If you haven’t consider getting private personal school transportation for your children, the time is now.
You’d be amazed how much more your children will thrive when they’re able to start their morning with friendly and safe transportation without the worries of being bullied.
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